I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
