Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
