The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
