I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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