I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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