Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
