Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
