I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
