hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
