i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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