she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
