Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
