If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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