I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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