C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
