In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
