Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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