Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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