She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You have to summon your inner elephant
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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