just tell him i said nine months
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
