You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
