It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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