guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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