Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
