Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
