Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
