totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
