I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
