Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
