My hair reeks of homosexuality.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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