Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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