I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I faked an abortion last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me I should be a condom model.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
