I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
