Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
