just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
