dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The air was thick with penises
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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