yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
