I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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