if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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