Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
