I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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