Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
