I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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