im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
