There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
