Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
