Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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