I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
