Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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