I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize