I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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