im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
