It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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