omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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