Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
