I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
