I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
