you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize