I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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