Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
