Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
