I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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