I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
