im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
