I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
