you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
