Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
