I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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