Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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