i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
