just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
