matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
