Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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