she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Boobs speak an international language.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
