I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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