I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
