A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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