My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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