Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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