Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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